Caution: Single Rant Ahead

It feels good to be honest.  I can't say that the journal entry below is completely unedited here (not that the original contained swearing or anything), but it's a little more on the angry side then most of my blog entries. It started because of an article that someone posted innocently enough, which had some good points, I'm sure.  But, as you may see, it also had some
common stereotypes about singles that are rather frustrating to me,  because it makes me feel misunderstood and devalued.  So, I suppose this is my nearly uncensored response to the article. To my married friends, please don't take this personally.  I am truly inspired by many marriages of my young adult friends, and it gives me hope of what a Jesus-centered marriage can be in our generation.  And single friends...maybe you'll agree with this, maybe you won't.  Either way, just live for Jesus.

I’m angry because it seems like people want me to feel bad about not being married, like some married people are threatened by unmarried people; like ALL of us unmarried people are trying to say the same thing—that marriage isn’t important to our culture.  NO!  That’s NOT what I’m trying to say.

Yes, I want to get married.  And no, actually I've never cared about a career or expected to be able to hunt down some mythical, perfect “soul mate” to marry, whatever that is.  But is it too much to ask to want a guy to actually pursue me?  Is it too much to ask that I want us to be compatible--spiritually and personality-wise?  That I can at least love him and respect him and be attracted to him?  Is that being too picky?  Why is it always my fault that all of this hasn’t happened yet?

You think I haven’t prayed about this?  You think I haven’t read Scripture, claimed promises, been convinced, been disappointed several times?  You think I look down on you because you married young? Seriously?  I’m sorry.  If I did, it was out of insecure jealousy, not because I thought I was better than you.  So give it a rest!  Married people are not all the same—as much as we like to stereotype them--and neither are single people.  Married people are not all settled or bored with life, and single people are NOT all career-driven, obsessed-with-success, ladder-climbing, wealth-accumulating, world-wanderers.  Can we just accept that we are on different paths at the moment and quit defending why it's better to be married or single?  Because what it seems like we are REALLY saying is: “I’m insecure about getting married too young or staying single too long, and have to defend myself.”   

And Christians—especially Christians—of all people, please let it go.  I know marriage is biblical, and I’m happy that it is.  But it is NOT to be the main focus of our lives. As Christians, the focus of our lives should be JESUS, and following Him wherever He leads.  Jesus’ plan for our lives isn’t just that we find someone to marry or even have a successful, happy marriage.  That might be part of it, but that’s not the main goal.  Here’s one idea of what God’s goal is for all of us, married or single:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  (Rom. 12:1,2)

The point is, my life is not my own (1 Cor. 6:19, 20).  My singleness or marriage is not my own.  All that I am belongs to Jesus, and is under His guardianship.  Does it mean that I never have choices to make?  Should I be surprised if I am 45 and not married if I spent the last 20 years in complete solitude, or avoided all single men like the plague?  Probably not.  But if I am living my life for Jesus, through His power at work within me, chances are good that He’s not going to turn me into a complete hermit.  But if for some crazy reason God thinks my life is a better living sacrifice without a husband, then it doesn’t mean I’m a failure if I’m still single at 40, 50, or good heavens…my whole life!  And it also does not mean that my single state threatens the biblical concept of marriage.  Is it possible that marriage and singleness can co-exist in the church without one being more or less holy than the other? I believe so.

Ok, my rant is (almost) over.  Can we all just get along now?  We’re all brothers and sisters with the same Father, and we are all looking to Christ as our Savior, and praying that He comes soon.  Let’s stop picking sides and remember we’re all on the same team—and we need each other's unique perspective: young, old, married, single, educated, uneducated.  We truly are a more complete picture of Jesus when we’re working together and loving each other the way Jesus asked us to.

"In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us."  (Col. 3:11, NLT)

P.S. For a really great perspective on marriage, singleness and Jesus, check out some Francis Chan.