Limitations of Responsibility
I was reading Acts 14 and 15, and this phrase struck me: "entrusting them to the Lord's grace." The first time, in Acts 14, Paul and Barnabas are retracing their church-planting steps, encouraging the believers and appointing elders. It says they fasted and prayed for them, "turning them over to the care of the Lord, in whom they had come to trust."* Amazing! No MDivs or 12-week training seminars, no elder's manual. Just some conversations and tips from Paul and Barnabas, who had never trained an elder in their lives, some prayer and fasting, and...they were turned over to the care of the Lord. And that was enough, apparently.
Then later, Paul and Barnabas get into a pretty big fight about whether or not John Mark should tag along. It was big enough that these two "spiritual giants" couldn't work it out, so Barnabas took John Mark and sailed off, and Paul picked a new preaching partner--Silas. I can think of times when I couldn't believe Christian leaders could be so ridiculous and cause so much conflict. Come on, if they can't solve their disagreements, how are they supposed to lead a church to be unified? But in this story, the believers don't pick sides or start leaving the church because "they're all a bunch of hypocrites." Instead, "the believers sent them off, entrusting them to the Lord's grace."** They knew it was impossible to talk some sense into their leaders' heads--but they knew God could and would in His own way and His own time.
Sometimes I don't like to admit my limitations of responsibility. I chastise myself because I should be doing more, I should have done things differently, I should have known. But I don't stop there. I take responsibility for other people. (Somewhere, maybe counseling classes, I learned there is a difference between being responsible for someone and being responsible to them.) I want to make sure they are ok, and that they have everything they need, and if they don't, it is my fault. If they fail or struggle, it is my fault. I should be able to "fix" them or help them--oh, yes, with God's help of course. And if they make it through, of course I give the credit to God publicly, but in my heart there is a little voice congratulating me that all my work paid off. But in the end, I have found over and over, my strength and wisdom is never enough. Though I have good intentions, I am doomed to disappointment, discouragement, and burn-out. This leads to bitterness against God, myself, and the people I am trying to help.
I sometimes do this even in my prayers. If I have lots of time to pray and really get into it, presenting my requests with a humble heart...then praise the Lord, I know those answers are due to my faithfulness in prayer. But if I don't have time or I forget or I'm having a bad day and am doing good to say anything to God...it's all my fault that those prayers are not answered.
Am I the only one who does this? It actually doesn't matter, because whether it is me or a million others, it doesn't make it any more true. But maybe a few others can understand, and can take heart with me that it is not up to us. It is about entrusting ourselves and those we care about to the Lord, whom we have come to trust. We are entrusting ourselves, others, and every circumstance to the Lord's grace. That, to me, is powerful. When I pray, I am basically dropping them off at God's doorstep and saying "You fix them." When I feel like a failure in my own life, I put myself on God's doorstep and say, "Your grace is enough." When I pray and lift others up that way, I leave my prayer time, not with a sense of self-satisfaction or self-loathing...because it isn't about me. Instead I can leave with a sense of peace and thankfulness, knowing that it is up to God. And He is so much better at being God than I am.
*Acts 14:23 (NLT)
**Acts 15:40 (NLT)
Then later, Paul and Barnabas get into a pretty big fight about whether or not John Mark should tag along. It was big enough that these two "spiritual giants" couldn't work it out, so Barnabas took John Mark and sailed off, and Paul picked a new preaching partner--Silas. I can think of times when I couldn't believe Christian leaders could be so ridiculous and cause so much conflict. Come on, if they can't solve their disagreements, how are they supposed to lead a church to be unified? But in this story, the believers don't pick sides or start leaving the church because "they're all a bunch of hypocrites." Instead, "the believers sent them off, entrusting them to the Lord's grace."** They knew it was impossible to talk some sense into their leaders' heads--but they knew God could and would in His own way and His own time.
Sometimes I don't like to admit my limitations of responsibility. I chastise myself because I should be doing more, I should have done things differently, I should have known. But I don't stop there. I take responsibility for other people. (Somewhere, maybe counseling classes, I learned there is a difference between being responsible for someone and being responsible to them.) I want to make sure they are ok, and that they have everything they need, and if they don't, it is my fault. If they fail or struggle, it is my fault. I should be able to "fix" them or help them--oh, yes, with God's help of course. And if they make it through, of course I give the credit to God publicly, but in my heart there is a little voice congratulating me that all my work paid off. But in the end, I have found over and over, my strength and wisdom is never enough. Though I have good intentions, I am doomed to disappointment, discouragement, and burn-out. This leads to bitterness against God, myself, and the people I am trying to help.
I sometimes do this even in my prayers. If I have lots of time to pray and really get into it, presenting my requests with a humble heart...then praise the Lord, I know those answers are due to my faithfulness in prayer. But if I don't have time or I forget or I'm having a bad day and am doing good to say anything to God...it's all my fault that those prayers are not answered.
Am I the only one who does this? It actually doesn't matter, because whether it is me or a million others, it doesn't make it any more true. But maybe a few others can understand, and can take heart with me that it is not up to us. It is about entrusting ourselves and those we care about to the Lord, whom we have come to trust. We are entrusting ourselves, others, and every circumstance to the Lord's grace. That, to me, is powerful. When I pray, I am basically dropping them off at God's doorstep and saying "You fix them." When I feel like a failure in my own life, I put myself on God's doorstep and say, "Your grace is enough." When I pray and lift others up that way, I leave my prayer time, not with a sense of self-satisfaction or self-loathing...because it isn't about me. Instead I can leave with a sense of peace and thankfulness, knowing that it is up to God. And He is so much better at being God than I am.
*Acts 14:23 (NLT)
**Acts 15:40 (NLT)
This is actually something I struggle with as well. For some reason I never feel like I do enough, and when things fail even if *I* didn't necessarily have a say in the matter, I blame myself! It gets exhausting at times for sure and it sets my personal expectations way to high.
ReplyDeleteSlowly but truly I'm working on doing my best and leaving the rest to God. I'm looking forward to the day when I'll feel completely satisfied with my efforts because I KNOW God will fill the spaces I left empty because of my human weaknesses!
Thanks for sharing, Tania. His grace is always enough!
Delete"Entrusting them to the Lord's grace..." What a powerful idea!!
ReplyDelete