Turning 30

Guess who else turned 30 a few months ago?

My friend recently shared a blog about turning 30.  It inspired me to write my own.

With the big 3-0 only a few weeks away, I suppose I should be super reflective and having an early mid-life crisis.  But I suppose I've done that already, though it didn't really have anything to do with turning 30 (it was mostly around ages 25-27, for the record).  It is interesting to think about how unpredictable life is though--or maybe how following God's path for my life has been unpredictable. But then, I am not sure what I expected, really.  I've never been good at setting goals or planning my future.  Guess I was too focused on living in the present--a blessing and a curse.  So maybe that is why...

...my 3rd-grade plan to become a teacher stuck with me until my Freshmen year of college, when I began my college career of switching majors.
...my life-long plan to live in Australia changed to volunteering in New Zealand as a student missionary in college.  (I did get to visit for a week, though--and honestly, NZ is better.)
...another great career idea of becoming a hospital chaplain was lost in a semester of Greek class.
...I graduated without any career plan, and "accidentally" ended up with a full-time job in Student Missions right after college.
...on my 25th birthday, I found myself at home, with more career plans that had fallen through--yet with a new idea of counseling on the horizon.
...after investing a year-and-a-half in graduate school to become a professional counselor, I found myself disenchanted and restless...and switched to a different degree program to finish a semester earlier--and no career in professional counseling.
...I went directly from reading and writing big graduate school words to trying to explain things to 2nd graders, with English as their second language.
...an unexpected short-term mission experience in Yap seemed to have a big impact on the next few years--and maybe longer--of my life.
...I cleaned cabins and washed dishes at a camp in Yosemite for several months while I tried to sort out my life.
...I chose to return to Yap instead of pursuing an available full-time job in a field I enjoyed.
...a few weeks away from turning 30, I find myself back at home with interest-enhanced student loans to pay off, job-hunting, no car, and a healing ankle.  And of course, still single. :)

There have been several times over the last few years when I would stop and look back and think...wait a minute, why do I feel like I've lost more than I have gained?  It seems like I've said more goodbyes than hellos, and my bank account is in the worst shape it's been in since college.  Is this what following Jesus is all about?  And it's the weirdest thing, because in my heart, there's this really loud "YES."  But it's not a crazy voice.  It's Jesus' voice, from what He says in Matthew 10:39 - "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." And I realize that everything I've given up for Him has been absolutely worth it.  As I look at the sacrifices made over the last few years, it doesn't seem like a big deal compared to finding more of Jesus and His life on this journey.  But it hasn't just been sacrifices.  God has blessed me so much, with incredibly diverse and deep friendships, beautiful places, encouraging students, learning how to be thankful, learning how to overcome depression, rediscovering prayer and the Bible, and how to productively use my time.  I've learned that how I spend my time is how I spend my life.

So maybe that's why...
...some days are hard, facing an unpredictable future, but it's easier with the lessons learned.
...I am so thankful for the people and faith God has given me.
...I have no regrets, no matter what things look like right now.
...turning 30 doesn't scare me.

In the end, it's not about what numbers are standing on our birthday cake, but that we live each day, each year following Jesus. There's no guarantee of predictability, but probably a good adventure.