Living Like You're Poor

Apparently I blog on Thursdays.  My mom pointed that out the other day.  So I almost wrote on Tuesday to prove her wrong, but...I procrastinated.  So it's Thursday again.  I probably should have done it Tuesday though, because it's a little more challenging since I think I fractured my finger today. I taped it to the one next to it, cause that's what they did when I broke my pinky a few years ago, and since I don't have insurance, I'm just going to assume that's a good idea for this time too.  So now my fingers are healing buddies.  The strong one is tied to the weak one.  What a great lesson.

In other news, I should be getting my first paycheck since, uh...June?  Well, I do get a few hundred dollars a month for mowing a relative's lawn every week with my dad, but I didn't have to fill out an I-9 for it.  Even though I can also find reasons why this job doesn't really "count" either, because it's part-time and temporary, there is still a pay-day.  But the thing is, I'm not sure if it's coming by check or if they will do an automatic deposit into my bank account, like they did in Yap.  They have all my information, but I hear it could come either way.  I could ask for that detail, but it's kind of fun to keep it a surprise.  In the meantime, I keep spending to a minimum. That's not super new to my life-style I guess, but these days are a bit extreme.  Or as extreme as you can get when you're able to live at home with only a student loan payment, basically (that is also waiting for this paycheck).  Here are the rules: 1. No frivolous spending.  2. Get over your pride and let people pay for your meals.  3.  Just get over your pride in general.  Really, it's not that bad, and when I compare myself to people who are truly struggling financially, I'm ashamed to think of myself as poor.  I am blessed.  A lot.  But I've been thinking, one of these days I'll be living this way--penny-pinching, eating the crumbs from the master's table (aka my dad's left-overs--haha, just kidding, Dad!)--and that big paycheck will suddenly radically transform my bank account, without my even knowing it!  I'll be living like I'm poor, even though I'm rich!  (Relatively speaking.)

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone that really made me think.  The question was asked if I had ever prayed that God would pay my student loans.  Yes, I have.  And I'm not completely sure how to explain the rest of the conversation, except that it seemed like the person was trying to find the reason why God had not answered that prayer--mostly implying that I must have a lack of faith, devotion, Bible-knowledge...something!  I didn't actually leave the conversation super defensive or angry--just a little confused (mostly cause I couldn't really understand where he was going most of the time).  But it did make me think about it again.  I'd stopped praying about my student loans.  I had made my student loans become the focus of my life.  After all, that was a good chunk of reason why I had to come home from Yap (among other things).  That was why I was stressing over finding a full-time job so I could just pay them off and get on with my poor life, doing something meaningful.  Because a poor life is somehow a life of freedom to me.  It means I don't have as much responsibility, in some ways.  Yes, I'd love to give money to people in need--for sure!  But if I had to choose, I'd rather help them myself than make a lot of money to give to them.  And I guess that's why I've made some of the choices that I've made--even now.  I could probably be a receptionist at a dentist's office somewhere around here. But something--or Someone--won't let me.  So I have a part-time, temporary job more in line with--I don't know...my calling?  And less in line with the quickly paying off my student loans, it seems (other than divine intervention).

What does it all mean?  It means I'm not really poor.  But I'm living like it.  I often forget Who I am working for--the God who owns this whole place.  And working for Him should not be to earn His favor or His blessings.  It's like working for Someone I love--I might get tired sometimes, but it's always worth it, and love keeps me motivated.  And my Boss likes to take good care of His people--financially, emotionally, socially--because He loves us.  There are no poor people in His kingdom--only those who might live like it because we've forgotten Who we belong to.  Whether my student loans are paid in full tomorrow or written off at my funeral in 60 years, that's God's business.  And as long as I'm on His business, I know He'll take care of mine.

"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence."  (2 Peter 1:3, NLT)