The Journey Out of Never-Never Land
Today it was confirmed. I don't really like snow. It is wet, cold, and messy, and really hard to work around. Oh yes, I've enjoyed sledding and building a snow man, throwing snowballs, and walking in a "winter wonderland." But it's just not as exciting as it once was. And it all made me really sore.
A few days ago, I climbed a mountain--well, sort of. There's a mountain can be seen from camp called Wawona Dome, and I hiked to the bottom of where the rock dome starts, so actually there was still plenty more mountain left, but it was still a hard climb for me. I enjoyed it, and felt a sense of accomplishment. It was nice to be in nature and conquer the challenge of getting back in the dark with a headlamp and no trail. But it didn't thrill me like it used to.
I sometimes think that I don't find very many things exciting anymore. But then I think about airplanes. I think flying is exciting now. Even the airport lines and waiting and gates. Weird, huh? And then there's the beach. Even if it's cold and freezing, I am really excited about seeing the ocean.
I guess my favorite color is still green, and I'll always be excited about getting mail. I still love being around family, and God is still the One I want running my life. But I am puzzled at some areas in my life that I thought were kind of core to who I am that are changing. I don't know if they've changed permanently or if this is just a phase, but it's weird. I used to get a snow-high that lasted a few weeks after a snow-day, and mountains always spoke to something deep in my heart. I used to want to be known as a hard-core outdoorsy person, but I don't really care any more. I like the outdoors, and I don't like being stuck in an office, but I don't have anything to prove, and it's not part of my identity any more. I used to HATE flying, and the beach was ok, but I could skip it if it was cold.
What is going on? Just when I thought I had myself figured out, it's all different again. Darn.
And then there are things that have always kind of been there, but now I feel I'm more extreme on. Like: Why do we Christians in America think we have a right to live at such high standards of living (literally and relatively) while most of the world is deprived, physically and spiritually? Or even if we look at our Christian brothers and sisters in less prosperous countries--shouldn't we at least share with them? Do we really believe that Jesus is coming again? If we do, why do we care so much about our stuff, our leisure time, our plans for upward mobility? Why do these questions make me feel judgmental for thinking them? And why do we have such a drive to isolate ourselves from others when the Christian life is all about going out and finding others? These are hard questions for me; I like thinking about them, and acting on them, when I am able. But they won't leave me alone.
I guess it's a myth that one day you grow up and have life figured out. I'll be growing up my whole life, but I guess that's ok, as long as I don't stop growing.
"How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:15 (NLT)
A few days ago, I climbed a mountain--well, sort of. There's a mountain can be seen from camp called Wawona Dome, and I hiked to the bottom of where the rock dome starts, so actually there was still plenty more mountain left, but it was still a hard climb for me. I enjoyed it, and felt a sense of accomplishment. It was nice to be in nature and conquer the challenge of getting back in the dark with a headlamp and no trail. But it didn't thrill me like it used to.
I sometimes think that I don't find very many things exciting anymore. But then I think about airplanes. I think flying is exciting now. Even the airport lines and waiting and gates. Weird, huh? And then there's the beach. Even if it's cold and freezing, I am really excited about seeing the ocean.
I guess my favorite color is still green, and I'll always be excited about getting mail. I still love being around family, and God is still the One I want running my life. But I am puzzled at some areas in my life that I thought were kind of core to who I am that are changing. I don't know if they've changed permanently or if this is just a phase, but it's weird. I used to get a snow-high that lasted a few weeks after a snow-day, and mountains always spoke to something deep in my heart. I used to want to be known as a hard-core outdoorsy person, but I don't really care any more. I like the outdoors, and I don't like being stuck in an office, but I don't have anything to prove, and it's not part of my identity any more. I used to HATE flying, and the beach was ok, but I could skip it if it was cold.
What is going on? Just when I thought I had myself figured out, it's all different again. Darn.
And then there are things that have always kind of been there, but now I feel I'm more extreme on. Like: Why do we Christians in America think we have a right to live at such high standards of living (literally and relatively) while most of the world is deprived, physically and spiritually? Or even if we look at our Christian brothers and sisters in less prosperous countries--shouldn't we at least share with them? Do we really believe that Jesus is coming again? If we do, why do we care so much about our stuff, our leisure time, our plans for upward mobility? Why do these questions make me feel judgmental for thinking them? And why do we have such a drive to isolate ourselves from others when the Christian life is all about going out and finding others? These are hard questions for me; I like thinking about them, and acting on them, when I am able. But they won't leave me alone.
I guess it's a myth that one day you grow up and have life figured out. I'll be growing up my whole life, but I guess that's ok, as long as I don't stop growing.
"How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:15 (NLT)
I'm telling you we always switch places when we come back from foreign countries. I will always like you even if you don't like the mountains or the beach.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, this blog resonates with me a lot. Especially in the "Just when I thought I had myself figured out, it's all different again" aspect. I've been facing that a lot with myself over the past year and a half. I'm with Sonya--I'll always think you're super awesome :)
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