Processing in Honolulu

It Was Hard to Arrive...

Leaving Yap was kind of hard. There's a lot of pressure with everyone saying goodbye, and you can't think of the right words to make anyone feel better at 2 in the morning. What do I say to 6 year-old Raijan, my little Filipino neighbor, who starts getting tears in his eyes when I tell him I have to leave. I feel like a parent with cheesy lines in one of those movies where there's a divorce: "It's ok. I'll write you. And you can draw me pictures...and..." and it will never be the same, and we all know it. It was hard leaving my friend Lorraine, one of my apartment-mates, knowing that I may not get to see her again since she is from the Philippines. Yes, leaving was hard, but arriving into Honolulu was even harder, actually. As the plane descended from the dark sky, and the city lights glowed up at me through the window, something in me resisted. I didn't want to join that world again--all the lights and convenience and distractions and entertainment. I already missed the simple life, and it scared me to realize it all seemed as close as the runway. I could only pray that God would help me to hold on to Him in simple faith through the busyness and pressure of "normal" life again.

It Is Nice to Communicate...

One of the nice things about being back in America is that I can use my cell phone again. It's been good to call my family and a few friends and feel like I'm not quite so far away. In a weird way, the cell phone has been my bridge from my identity in Yap to my identity in America. I can shift my mind to those at home and not be afraid to invest in those relationships again because I know I can continue the conversations. It would be even better, though, if I had just as good of communication with my friends in Yap, but I guess we can't have it all. It's good to start being where I need to be though. It sometimes takes awhile for me to let go of where I was to fully be in the present, but it's worth being in the present. I will never forget what was, and I hope to keep in contact with those who are still in Yap, but I need to be where I am now, so I don't miss it.

"A Cane Can't Walk By Itself..."

This morning I read this line in Isaiah 10:15. There was a certain ruler who thought he was conquering the world on his own, but God pointed out the obvious--He is the One really making it all happen. It made me think about how my time in Yap was not my idea--it was His. My teaching was not by my ability--but His enabling. The rich blessings I received from being there was not because I earned them or worked for them--but by His grace. I'm just a cane, and without God, I'm not going anywhere. But with Him, a world of purpose and possibilities and surprises unfold ahead. So I guess this cane is coming home and continuing the walk of life in America again...at least for now.

P.S. My plans in Honoululu: Staying with a really nice couple who takes in SMs traveling through. Alex, Scott, and Aila will join me Saturday evening, and then we'll enjoying 4th of July and a few more days of sight seeing before Aila and I leave on the Tuesday, and the guys leave on Wednesday.