Wherever I Am

I'd much rather be inspiring than honest. Maybe because I don't like people looking at me...I'd rather point them in another direction, and disappear behind my wit and wisdom. But sometimes I get tired of my wit and wisdom and words. It's easy to get caught in them, weaving the image I want others to see, so that before I know it, it's even harder to be who I am at any given moment. So for this blog, I'm taking a break.

I'm having a hard time. My grandpa died just over three months ago, and though it's been hard, lately it's been harder. The grief process makes sense for anyone except myself. In the last few weeks, scenes keep coming back that I wouldn't mind forgetting, except this time, I am feeling everything in those scenes. The first time, I didn't have time to. Lately, I haven't wanted to be around anyone, but I feel bad, because...I don't know, it's not very nice? Social events feel like I am eating saltless vegetables when all I really want is a grilled cheese. I don't really know what is going on with my life or my future, but for some reason, I think it will all be ok. But I can never explain this to anyone, and for some reason, I think that I should. More than ever, I am thankful for family and for God...and for prayer. It amazes me how God can lift the weight, pull back the curtains, wrap me in a warm blanket after some time in His Word and talking to Him. I don't always feel like putting in the time, but usually, after the first part of trudging through it...something changes, and I feel His arms picking me up, giving me just enough grace and energy for the day. Wherever I am, I'm glad He's here with me.