Give Me That Olde-Time Religion

I wouldn't classify myself as a reader. Reading is more of a discipline for me, and unfortunately, I wouldn't classify myself as highly self-disciplined either. I have started dozens of books, and a lucky few are actually finished--sometimes years later. When I finish a book, I kind of feel like it's worth celebrating with a personal pan pizza for some reason. (Probably thanks to Book It! in the 90s.)

One book I've recently started that's piercing through my enervative reading pace is a small brown book I found under the end table at my grandma's. I was curious, and she let me borrow it. You can hear about some books your whole life, and figure you know enough to skip them. But then you pick one up, start reading a few pages, and start to realize it's more relevant than you ever would have guessed.

The title on the cover? Testimonies to the Church, Volume 1. Maybe I've shied away from these books my whole life because I was afraid it might turn me into a long-skirt-wearing super-vegan without a sense of humor. No offense to those who come close to that stereotype, but those were the main people I heard quoting from these books, and I wasn't quite sure how to relate to them and their very strong opinions about lifestyle.

Moving on, moving on. I haven't gotten too far yet, still in the autobiography of Ellen White, but everything I have read has surprised me, inspired me, convicted me, and challenged me. Here are just a few highlights that I've been "chewing on:"

• The way she describes the Holy Spirit moving through small group prayer meetings, or larger group gatherings is pretty incredible. People were passing out. It wasn't wild and frenzied--it was passionate, prayerful, and apparently very powerful. Part of me really wants to see that and another part of me is a little afraid of it. But that kind of seems like a normal reaction to God's power, which we often seem to describe during an emotional appeal or a well-performed praise song. Not saying that's not real. But I'm just wondering if we're missing out on something even more real and powerful, and settling on something safer and more manageable, less intrusive to our lives or meetings.
• Just the fact that they wanted to hang out all the time and pray together, share with each other honestly, and call each other out and forgive one another. I've experienced that a few times, and it was beautiful. But super rare.
• James and Ellen White were super poor and super sick a LOT. Both of them almost died several times from sickness. Doctors gave them the worst news, and communities prepared for their funerals--I mean, it was real. And constant. Not to mention getting a lot of criticism in the work they were trying to do that was not helping their health. There is a side of me that wants to figure out if this was the only path they could have taken, if God really required this path or if they'd had some kind of wisdom that they gained later in life (maybe the health message, boundaries, I don't know)--could have spared them this extreme life. They also lost two of their four sons. It was a hard life. I think what is inspiring to me, is that they didn't give up--on God, on the work they were called to do (even though they almost did several times), and on each other. They prayed their way through every difficulty, and God miraculously brought them through, faith not only in tact, but stronger.

As I started reading more of their experiences from that last point, I was first reading in Hawaii--incredibly beautiful surroundings, relaxing, spending more money than James and Ellen probably lived on for half their lives. And then, back at home, really sick for a week. I can tell you I felt convicted on both sides. Not necessarily measuring my productivity and prudence against theirs, but wondering at my drifting soul, distracted, feeling disconnected from God by comfort and then chaos. But as I kept plugging away, little by little, in Acts, Romans, and this little book now and then, I am at least grounded seeing what God's movement looks like; what His intentions are; what His power can do when I prioritize Him and allow Him to truly take over my life. I may not be where I want to be, but it seems that's where He loves to meet us the most. Maybe this is another view of faith. Believing God can take me from a desire to know and experience Him more to actually living that experience through His power.

Well, that's all the deep thoughts I have this time. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, pick up an old book sometime and find your own surprises.