Who Am I to Say
Today I'm feeling the first line in a song called "Nine" by Sleeping at Last:
Who am I to say what any of this means?
I feel like I'm in this hamster wheel of trying to figure out the answer to everything, as if that is what my calling in life is, even though I am seriously under-qualified. Somehow I put the burden on myself to make some kind of sense of things--for myself, for others.
- When church leaders seriously miss the mark.
- When people hate each other for no reason.
- When dreams come true so easily for some people and not for others.
- When COVID brings sniffles to one and death to another.
- When prayer seems to make the burden heavier sometimes instead of lighter.
Some things don't make sense. And I want to just accept that, but accepting isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've been slogging through the minor prophets for awhile now, and it has honestly been some tough winter-morning reading. Starting the day with all the graphic details of how various nations will be destroyed isn't exactly a great way to pump yourself up for a freezing-fog day. But one message I do get from it is that there were a lot of people before me who couldn't always make sense of what was going on. For awhile, it sure looked like the bad guys were flourishing, and the good guys were oppressed.
- Priests were making a mockery of worship and abusing the people they were supposed to be shepherding.
- Kings were legislating idolatry and oppression of the vulnerable, and silencing prophets.
- God was using enemy nations to punish this group of people He had been trying so hard to bless.
- The exiles were told to pray for the peace of the nation that destroyed and displaced them.
- When they returned to rebuild, several go right back to doing what got them in trouble in the first place.
Definitely didn't make sense then either.
The other message that I get is that God was still there, through it all. He saw it ALL. And He cared deeply. Enough to do something about it. Depending on where one was in the story, it was not always easy to see that. But He cared enough to send prophet after prophet to try to help them understand that even the most painful would be redeemed, and there was a purpose behind it all. There was a line that God was drawing in the sand to say ENOUGH. Enough of the senselessness.
Who am I to say what any of this means?
I don't really know, and this week was just tough to hold on to hope that God was listening and caring deeply about the things I was sharing with Him. But, pulling out that mustard-seed-faith, I think I can see what He is probably saying to me here in freezing February 2021.
He does care. So much that He humanized Himself and lived out that care on earth with us. He even shared with us the big picture of how it all ends--and it ends with Jesus winning and restoring all things. So that it all makes sense, once and for all.
The only thing that will never make sense is the incredible love and grace of our God who cared enough to chase after us and sacrifice so much to bring us home for an eternity of abundant life. I can accept that.
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