On the Outside Looking In

It's like standing beside a river
The current is strong
To step in is to be swept in
Tumbling, rushing, gasping
On someone else's agenda
Or so I fear

I look and I look
Up and down the river
But it all looks the same
I might as well just step in here
Or anywhere
Because I'm supposed to be in there
Somewhere
But where will it take me?
To Jesus?
Or just a busier schedule
And more people to please?

Frozen here
A little terrified
My heart beats harder
My breathing tighter
It's not the depth
It's the current I'm afraid of
But I keep trying
I can't give up
It's supposed to be good for me

What if I never find my place?
What if I die of thirst
Next to the river?
What if I jump in and can't swim?
What if I'm invisible?
Or painfully awkward?
Or bring drama I never meant to?

Jesus, You said that this is where You live on earth
In each of us
Together
But I feel so locked out
And locked inside myself
And I feel alone
On this day of the week
More than any other

I never thought I would be here
I've judged others for being here
On the riverbank looking in
But frozen
Please help me, Jesus

And when I'm back in the flow
Help me remember
And find the others
On the outside looking in
And do what I can to make
A quiet place in the waters
And help them find their way