Lost
I had just backed my car down the boat-ramp to load up my kayak after the first run of the season. The warm 60s of the afternoon were cooling down to a chilly evening, and my feet were stiffening up in my Chacos. Right then...cold feet, chilly evening, about to load up my kayak...an older black gentleman walking by in athletic gear called out a greeting, asking if I was headed out. After sorting out some confusion as to whether "headed out" meant I was launching or leaving, we ended up in a neighborly conversation that eventually transitioned from the park and kayaking to the loss of his wife of 41 years about two years ago. (I don't know how these things happen to me, but every time they do, I know this is why God put me on the planet. There are few things I love more.)
I mostly listened as he explained his journey of grief, and trying to get used to living life alone after living his entire adult life with someone to help pay bills, travel with, and just enjoy life with. I was thankful to hear him bring up his faith as a Christian as one of the things that got him through, and was able to affirm and encourage with that perspective. I was also thankful to hear him talk about a grief support group. And that he was trying to get out of the house and just see what was going on around him--which is what led to his discovery of the park. But at one point, as he tried to explain the disorientation he was feeling in learning to live alone, I gave him the word "lost," and that seemed to hit the nail on the head for him.
Ironically, I didn't have to reach too far to find that word. I've been feeling disoriented and lost lately too, and trying to understand what God wants me to do in this season of life. I know the right answers, I'm trying what I can, and trying to trust that He is leading me--but most of the time, I feel so lost. It's hard to trust God when I'm lost. I think it's because I feel like I need to find my way out before my time is up. You know, as if we are all given a little time to wander and be confused and slow down and lose our way, but it shouldn't be too long. If it's too long, I might get too lost. What does that even mean? Why do I think that? I have no idea.
Thankfully, I'm remembering something from the sermon yesterday: the whole Bible can be summed up in Genesis 3:9, when God calls out to Adam, "Where are you?" The whole Bible is God's search for the LOST. Not to punish them, but to bring them home. My life-long struggle with this concept seems to be making the jump from "them" to "me." God didn't just come for "them" when they got lost. He came to find me when I'm lost. He tells me: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jer. 33:3 (NIV) So I'm going to take God at His word and just keep asking, seeking, and knocking until He helps me find the way again. And to trust that His grace is enough for me right here.
As we finished the conversation, the man at the park was asking me basically for tips on what to do with your time as a single person. So I'll finish this post by asking whoever reads this...what do you do when you feel lost? How do you know when you're back on track?
I mostly listened as he explained his journey of grief, and trying to get used to living life alone after living his entire adult life with someone to help pay bills, travel with, and just enjoy life with. I was thankful to hear him bring up his faith as a Christian as one of the things that got him through, and was able to affirm and encourage with that perspective. I was also thankful to hear him talk about a grief support group. And that he was trying to get out of the house and just see what was going on around him--which is what led to his discovery of the park. But at one point, as he tried to explain the disorientation he was feeling in learning to live alone, I gave him the word "lost," and that seemed to hit the nail on the head for him.
Ironically, I didn't have to reach too far to find that word. I've been feeling disoriented and lost lately too, and trying to understand what God wants me to do in this season of life. I know the right answers, I'm trying what I can, and trying to trust that He is leading me--but most of the time, I feel so lost. It's hard to trust God when I'm lost. I think it's because I feel like I need to find my way out before my time is up. You know, as if we are all given a little time to wander and be confused and slow down and lose our way, but it shouldn't be too long. If it's too long, I might get too lost. What does that even mean? Why do I think that? I have no idea.
Thankfully, I'm remembering something from the sermon yesterday: the whole Bible can be summed up in Genesis 3:9, when God calls out to Adam, "Where are you?" The whole Bible is God's search for the LOST. Not to punish them, but to bring them home. My life-long struggle with this concept seems to be making the jump from "them" to "me." God didn't just come for "them" when they got lost. He came to find me when I'm lost. He tells me: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jer. 33:3 (NIV) So I'm going to take God at His word and just keep asking, seeking, and knocking until He helps me find the way again. And to trust that His grace is enough for me right here.
As we finished the conversation, the man at the park was asking me basically for tips on what to do with your time as a single person. So I'll finish this post by asking whoever reads this...what do you do when you feel lost? How do you know when you're back on track?
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