Dear 16-Year-Old-Andrea

I wrote this a couple years ago for a website/blog my brother had up for awhile called theperspective.io. It's not longer up, so I decided to bring it back here. I think I'd write pretty much the same letter now as I did two years ago.

Dear 16-Year-Old-Andrea, 

I bet you’re surprised to hear from me—yourself, 18 years in the future! I bet you have lots of questions about the future, but probably not about cars and phones and presidents (you seriously don’t want to know). More like what job you’ll have, who you are going to marry, and how many kids you will have. Well…you better get comfortable in your little loft and turn down Jaci Velasquez, because it’s about to get real, my friend. 

There is no husband. There are no kids. (There is a job though! Whew.)

I know. This is not what you want to hear. But I’m writing you because I want you to know, it’s not really as bad as it sounds. Well, on most days. But you’ll be ok. I just wanted to share a few things you should know to be prepared for the good, the bad, and the ugly of the “gift of singleness.”

Let’s talk about the hard days first. Let me challenge you to skip the endless self-analyzing, trying to figure out what is wrong with you. It won’t help, trust me, and the truth is, you’re not fatally flawed. Even now I can’t tell you exactly how you got here, and I’m still a little sensitive about what explanations family or friends may have come up with over the years. It’s true, there are always areas to grow in, but instead of trying so hard to fix yourself, I recommend just one thing: rest in your Father’s love. This is where your true identity and value comes from. If there ever was a “gift” of singleness, it is to hunger and thirst for Jesus’ love and acceptance more than anything else in this world, and to follow His purpose for your life.

You will wander from this truth far too often, but when you realize your distance, just run back Home. This truth will sustain you through the occasional pain and awkwardness of being different. Different? Yes, that’s actually the hardest part about being single. Yeah, buying a car is a good challenge for a single female. So is moving near a big city, and trying to pay off student debt. I admit, that sometimes I envy women who have a good husband to open jar lids, and scrape the ice off the car on winter mornings. Someone to help them drive on long road-trips, and share laughs, fears, and dreams with—especially God’s dreams. That all sounds fantastic, and I haven’t actually given up hope yet. But the point is, the hardest part about being single is just being different, and feeling like people see you as still, maybe…16. Forever young and never quite graduated into adulthood somehow. Yeah, that’s kind of annoying.

Alright, alright, moving on. I told you it’s not that bad, so let’s get to the good part. First, as I said before, if you keep pursuing God’s heart of love, He will sustain you. He will show you the joy and adventure right where you are, and unfold a purpose and mission for you, not in spite of where you are, but because of it. So…let’s take quick look at the lighter side of singleness…

1. Silence. Sleeping in, driving, or on a walk—I have plenty of peace and quiet to think, pray, write, or read. Since you’re already clearly an introvert, I think you can appreciate this gift.
2. Availability. I’m always ready to be interrupted, whether to listen, help out, or join a last-minute adventure. 
3. Experimental cooking. I can try all kinds of crazy stuff in the kitchen with no pressure. And if I don’t feel like cooking, I can pour up a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats with no complaint. 
4. Awareness and openness to people who need a friend. I think being unattached opens me up to connecting with lots of different people—especially those that can be overlooked at times by others. It does take some caution and wisdom, since this attention can be misinterpreted, but you’ll figure it out, and it’s still worth the risk of a little awkwardness now and then.
5. Mission. With less of my world to take care of, I have the freedom to give my time and money to whatever and whoever God puts on my heart. Indeed, you have a wealth of life-changing memories and international friends to look forward to, young Andrea—from tiny Pacific islands to West Coast mountains to East Coast cities.

There are actually plenty more blessings, but I’ll cap the list at five, since that’s your favorite number. You get the point though, right? Being single is not an excuse to feel sorry for yourself. It has it’s own privileges.

Even with the blessings, I guess you’re probably wondering what I think of my future from here. Where will I be 18 years from 2017? (Mercy! I don’t even want to calculate that number!) Of course, I’d still like to believe, like you, that by then I will be married with my 2.5 kids. But my hope for a “good life” is no longer confined to that picture. 

My hope is in Jesus, and in His plans for me. If He’s brought me this far, with all the adventure and depth, I know He will continue to pack my life with purpose for the rest of the journey. When I doubt that, I’ve learned to go back to the promises He’s pointed out to me over the years. And that’s how I know it will be ok no matter what life is like in 2035.

One time, during an honest talk with God, He answered me by giving me a different picture. It was a picture of Jesus calling me over in Heaven, saying, “Well done!” and handing me the biggest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers I had ever seen. In those flowers I felt His personal love, and was assured that one day, all will be redeemed. I know He gets it. He sees, He cares, and He takes note. He knows what is best for me in this life to prepare me for the next.

It might seem weird to you that I can’t seem to talk about your single future without talking about God and your spiritual journey. But I think you already are starting to understand that in the end, your identity and purpose as a follower of Christ is about so much more than your relationship status. It’s about letting Him have full access to re-purpose every part of your life into a glorious art-show of His grace, so that others will awaken to the One their hearts long for most.

Well, young Andrea…good luck with that Geometry and learning how to drive stick shift. Just keep living in the present—it’s the best place to be, especially with all the hope you have for your future.

Love,

34-Year-Old-Andrea