Eternal Quest
For the last few weeks I've been on a quest to rediscover God's personal love for me. But I don't think two weeks is enough time. I think it's going to be a life-quest--an eternal quest. I began because I realized that my struggle to face my weaknesses really comes from forgetting that "my God loves me."
I was baptized when I was 11, along with two other girls in my 5th grade class. The tradition at our church at the time was for the baptismal candidate to choose a song for the congregation to sing as they made their way into the baptistry. I chose the song "My God Loves Me."
My God loves me
And all the wonders I see
The rainbow shines through my window
My God loves me
I guess the quest for God's love really began then (and so did my love of nature, apparently). It was something I knew was real and true, but felt like there was so much more to be experienced that I didn't understand yet. Twenty-one years later, I still feel like that. And yet, it's been an incredible journey of waking up, little by little, to more of His love for me.
But why is this so important? What is the difference between knowing that God loves you and knowing that God loves me? I guess it's just my ability to accept it. I know God's love is big enough for the greatest sinner out there. I am convinced that He loves you--whoever you are--because that is who God is. That inspires me, but it doesn't truly change me until I am convinced that His love is even for me. I don't know what it's like to be you or the rest of the world, but I know what it's like to be me, and sometimes I don't feel worthy of love. I fall into unconscious patterns of trying to "earn" love through being helpful or encouraging or a thousand other ways. It's not that I don't really care about others--I do care deeply--but I can't fathom how I could be loved when I am not doing these things. So when I have difficult days or seasons when I can't give so much, how can I be valuable? Who will love me when I haven't done anything to deserve it?
Jesus. It's a simple truth, basic to Christianity. For me, that means two things. First, I really don't have anything to offer Him except me, just as I am, with all my weaknesses, but that's exactly what He wants. And second, He's not going anywhere--He's here to stick it out with me, even when I don't feel worthy.
Here are a few ways God has been revealing His love to me lately:
* Remembering what He taught me in Yap. Both times when I was sick and then broke my foot, I was surrounded by His "hands and feet"--my brothers and sisters in Christ who took care of me, prayed with me, encouraged me, and suffered with me, and even sang to me. I was there to serve, but I ended up being served, and it was incredibly humbling. God taught me that His love for me was not based on what I could do for Him--it was simply in being His.
* Friends and family who pray for me and encourage me in so many ways. This has been such a powerful realization lately: God reveals His love mostly clearly through other people.
* Opportunities to share God's love with others who need it. He's brought me to a place where I don't feel like I have much to give, so I am not trying to earn anything--I'm just passing on whatever He gives to me. God has been showing me that in my weakness, His grace and love can shine even brighter.
* Nature. Beautiful warm sunny days, and rainy days too. So much green and life all around.
* This blog entry by a girl I don't know, but I think we'll be best friends in heaven.
* Scriptures like this one: "Don't be afraid...for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace; take heart and be strong!" (Dan. 10:19). And believing by faith that these words were not just for Daniel, but for me too.
* And just the every-day moments that God chooses to flood my heart with His peace and joy, and open my eyes to His love on display in whatever is going on around me.
One of those "every-day moments" happened this morning. I woke up with this song going through my head, and it sums up the value of this quest for God's love: His love is life to me.
Without it one moment, I don't know what I'd do. Your love is life to me.
I was baptized when I was 11, along with two other girls in my 5th grade class. The tradition at our church at the time was for the baptismal candidate to choose a song for the congregation to sing as they made their way into the baptistry. I chose the song "My God Loves Me."
My God loves me
And all the wonders I see
The rainbow shines through my window
My God loves me
But why is this so important? What is the difference between knowing that God loves you and knowing that God loves me? I guess it's just my ability to accept it. I know God's love is big enough for the greatest sinner out there. I am convinced that He loves you--whoever you are--because that is who God is. That inspires me, but it doesn't truly change me until I am convinced that His love is even for me. I don't know what it's like to be you or the rest of the world, but I know what it's like to be me, and sometimes I don't feel worthy of love. I fall into unconscious patterns of trying to "earn" love through being helpful or encouraging or a thousand other ways. It's not that I don't really care about others--I do care deeply--but I can't fathom how I could be loved when I am not doing these things. So when I have difficult days or seasons when I can't give so much, how can I be valuable? Who will love me when I haven't done anything to deserve it?
Jesus. It's a simple truth, basic to Christianity. For me, that means two things. First, I really don't have anything to offer Him except me, just as I am, with all my weaknesses, but that's exactly what He wants. And second, He's not going anywhere--He's here to stick it out with me, even when I don't feel worthy.
Here are a few ways God has been revealing His love to me lately:
* Remembering what He taught me in Yap. Both times when I was sick and then broke my foot, I was surrounded by His "hands and feet"--my brothers and sisters in Christ who took care of me, prayed with me, encouraged me, and suffered with me, and even sang to me. I was there to serve, but I ended up being served, and it was incredibly humbling. God taught me that His love for me was not based on what I could do for Him--it was simply in being His.
* Friends and family who pray for me and encourage me in so many ways. This has been such a powerful realization lately: God reveals His love mostly clearly through other people.
* Opportunities to share God's love with others who need it. He's brought me to a place where I don't feel like I have much to give, so I am not trying to earn anything--I'm just passing on whatever He gives to me. God has been showing me that in my weakness, His grace and love can shine even brighter.
* Nature. Beautiful warm sunny days, and rainy days too. So much green and life all around.
* This blog entry by a girl I don't know, but I think we'll be best friends in heaven.
* Scriptures like this one: "Don't be afraid...for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace; take heart and be strong!" (Dan. 10:19). And believing by faith that these words were not just for Daniel, but for me too.
* And just the every-day moments that God chooses to flood my heart with His peace and joy, and open my eyes to His love on display in whatever is going on around me.
One of those "every-day moments" happened this morning. I woke up with this song going through my head, and it sums up the value of this quest for God's love: His love is life to me.
Without it one moment, I don't know what I'd do. Your love is life to me.
Thank you Andrea. Was quite a blessing for me. Enjoyed the link and the song too. I wonder if our relationship with our
ReplyDeleteHeavenly Father will have a special sweetness to it throughout eternity because we loved each other through FAITH in the beginning while still on earth.