Beyond the Mess
The last month or so has been really hard and really amazing. It reminds me of being in the mission field, honestly. Here in my "comfort zone," I work so hard to keep myself comfortable, to solve my own problems, to resolve any grief as quickly as possible--and end up missing God because I don't need Him. Not that I'm actually very successful at doing any of that on my own, but I sure exhaust myself with a lot of effort and energy while trying. Thankfully, God likes to answer my prayers to be more like Him more than my prayers about making my life go well all the time.
As usual, I'm at a loss as to how to contain this "answered prayer" experience in words, but it's important enough that I want to attempt to record and share it as best I can. I need to hold on to this for future reference, because I'm pretty sure life will be hard in the future, at least until the next life. So here is a letter to my future self in a future challenging season:
Dear Self,
I'll skip the "how are you," because if you're reading this, you don't want to answer that. By now, you are good at avoiding the question with simply an acknowledging facial expression. But the truth is, you are blessed. Yes, I can say that, while anyone else who said that right now might get a punch in the face. (Not really--you wouldn't do that, but you might want to). Anyway. You ARE blessed. This season that you so desperately want to get out of...is your salvation. You are about to see God. At. Work. In front of your own eyes! Not just in the way He will deliver you, but in the way He is in this with you--right now.
How are you supposed to see this "blessing" you ask? Well, the best place to start is to humble yourself, and ask Jesus to change you in the middle of the mess. You can ask for deliverance too, but to truly get the blessing, ask for the heart change. But go ahead and start with an honest heart. For example, your alarm goes off at 6 a.m. and the last thing you want to do is face the day. So there you go--that's where you start. It's still dark, you're still in bed, and there's nobody around to make fun of
you talking out loud, so go for it. Tell God how much you don't want to face this day. How much you need Him just to get out of this bed. Tell Him about everything that makes you angry, sad, scared. And then, somewhere in the middle of that, when you're about to get lost in your pity party, stop and remember who He is. Tell God what you appreciate about Him. His power to create something out of nothing. His ability to calm storms. The way He can read hearts and change hearts. His love and mercy for you. And the fact that He runs this whole planet and knows every single person on it...so your life actually isn't too hard for Him to deal with, especially if you're willing to let Him turn you into what He has always dreamed for you to be. After about 30-45 minutes or so, you'll be ok, and ready to take on the day. I promise.
Through this conversation, God will help you develop eyes of gratitude. You will suddenly see His gifts everywhere--in hugs at church, in kind words and generous hospitality, in sunny rooms on cold days, sleeping in on snow-delay-days, and family and friends who support you continuously through listening and praying for you. Seriously, you'll see His faithfulness all around you, and especially in the smallest acts of kindness. It will make you want to pass it on.
God will also strengthen your eyes of faith. You won't just see what is around you--you'll see hope. You won't just see the tunnel--you'll see light. The walls of impossibility won't look so intimidating, and even though there is never a guarantee on WHEN things will change, you will know that somehow they WILL, and you'll live to see that day. And that hope will give you peace in the present. Tangible, soul-satisfying peace.
Best of all, God will remind you of your purpose and your future of hope. Your purpose is to let God work in you to prepare you for Heaven, and to allow Him to lead you on an adventurous mission of bringing others with you. And your future of hope is beyond your imagination, but imagine anyway, because there is so much more than this world that you see right now. When you live in light of eternity, your perspective on your troubles change considerably. Your priorities also change.
Well, I'm sure there is plenty more I could say, but I'll leave you with one last piece of advice: hold on to the promises God gives you in Scripture. Repeat them often, put your full weight into them. And remember that Jesus Himself is truly the fulfillment of every promise. Talk to Him. Rest in Him. Cry with Him. Be with Him. And He will be with you.
Love,
Yourself
As usual, I'm at a loss as to how to contain this "answered prayer" experience in words, but it's important enough that I want to attempt to record and share it as best I can. I need to hold on to this for future reference, because I'm pretty sure life will be hard in the future, at least until the next life. So here is a letter to my future self in a future challenging season:
Dear Self,
I'll skip the "how are you," because if you're reading this, you don't want to answer that. By now, you are good at avoiding the question with simply an acknowledging facial expression. But the truth is, you are blessed. Yes, I can say that, while anyone else who said that right now might get a punch in the face. (Not really--you wouldn't do that, but you might want to). Anyway. You ARE blessed. This season that you so desperately want to get out of...is your salvation. You are about to see God. At. Work. In front of your own eyes! Not just in the way He will deliver you, but in the way He is in this with you--right now.
How are you supposed to see this "blessing" you ask? Well, the best place to start is to humble yourself, and ask Jesus to change you in the middle of the mess. You can ask for deliverance too, but to truly get the blessing, ask for the heart change. But go ahead and start with an honest heart. For example, your alarm goes off at 6 a.m. and the last thing you want to do is face the day. So there you go--that's where you start. It's still dark, you're still in bed, and there's nobody around to make fun of
Through this conversation, God will help you develop eyes of gratitude. You will suddenly see His gifts everywhere--in hugs at church, in kind words and generous hospitality, in sunny rooms on cold days, sleeping in on snow-delay-days, and family and friends who support you continuously through listening and praying for you. Seriously, you'll see His faithfulness all around you, and especially in the smallest acts of kindness. It will make you want to pass it on.
God will also strengthen your eyes of faith. You won't just see what is around you--you'll see hope. You won't just see the tunnel--you'll see light. The walls of impossibility won't look so intimidating, and even though there is never a guarantee on WHEN things will change, you will know that somehow they WILL, and you'll live to see that day. And that hope will give you peace in the present. Tangible, soul-satisfying peace.
Best of all, God will remind you of your purpose and your future of hope. Your purpose is to let God work in you to prepare you for Heaven, and to allow Him to lead you on an adventurous mission of bringing others with you. And your future of hope is beyond your imagination, but imagine anyway, because there is so much more than this world that you see right now. When you live in light of eternity, your perspective on your troubles change considerably. Your priorities also change.
Well, I'm sure there is plenty more I could say, but I'll leave you with one last piece of advice: hold on to the promises God gives you in Scripture. Repeat them often, put your full weight into them. And remember that Jesus Himself is truly the fulfillment of every promise. Talk to Him. Rest in Him. Cry with Him. Be with Him. And He will be with you.
Love,
Yourself
This blessed me:) `
ReplyDeleteMakes me think of the verse saying Be still and know God~~every Christians motto.
A compass comes to mind too...we're always having to make readjustments in order for us to stay true to Him.
I'm walking away singing the song Speak Life, cause this reminded me of it. Thank you sister (in Christ)
Amen.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'll just take back those balloons that we were going to use for that pity party.