The Facebook Controversy

Facebook is not only breeding ground for controversy--it is controversial itself.  You're either another "enslaved addict" or a "fanatical non-conformist."  If I say, "Facebook is taking over the world," we all nod our heads in sad agreement, much like we do for global warming.  It's too bad, but I'm sure not going to start biking uphill to work in traffic.

I seem to swing between enslaved addict and fanatical non-conformist, I guess.  It all started with Myspace.  I resisted for a long time, but finally gave in that summer after I graduated and all my friends moved away, when my need for connection lowered my resistance to social media.  The same

thing happened with facebook.  Long after most of my friends and family were on (including my grandma), I finally gave in--that summer I overloaded myself with work, grad school classes and practicum, and a huge summer camp outreach project.  And then my grandpa died.  I'd been living with my grandparents for almost two years, saving costs while in grad school.  I was there when he had the stroke, through all the hospital and hospice and funeral arrangements, and stayed several months afterward with my grandmother.  Yes, that was when I opened my facebook account.

I didn't actually like it at first.  I felt like I was conforming.  I resented the fact that I was expected to share something clever or deep all the time, and "liking" people's comments or pictures seemed absolutely cheesy.  I made myself get on about once a week or so--at first.  But gradually, I warmed up to it.  More friends were collected, statuses were "liked," and pictures uploaded.

Then I flew away to a tiny island with incredibly slow internet, and my patience was less than my

desire for facebook.  I learned again to live without it.  And it was actually pretty easy, since I was surrounded by real, supportive relationships--authentic connections with people I could see and talk to in person. It was amazing, really--no need for texting or social media.  Just good, old fashioned conversation.  I guess I got spoiled, because it hit me pretty hard when I came back to the U.S. after those six months, and suddenly, I couldn't live without facebook.  It was my connection to that other world of reality.  But it was a reality of the past, and no matter how many pictures and videos were uploaded, or comments and messages left--it didn't bring it back.  It helped to keep in contact, but it wasn't what I was missing--real, in-person connection.  But perhaps that is what drove me deeper into my facebook addiction.  The kind where you wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and feel compelled to check it, because some of your friends are in other time zones, and you don't want to miss anything.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my relationship with social media is super tight when life gets hard.  I like to tell myself that's how I find support.  Maybe...in some ways.  But when I think about it, my biggest supporters also have my email address and phone number, and I have theirs.   Am I finding "support" while I'm endlessly scrolling through, checking every video and article and quiz?  Yeah...probably not.  The fact is, I see a pattern.  When I'm connected to people in real life, I run out of time for facebook.  When I'm struggling with connection for whatever reason, facebook becomes irresistible.

Now hang on, Andrea.  Is it really ALL that bad?  Is this really just about you?  What about your 800 friends who care about you?  Well, ok, there is a good side to facebook.  If there wasn't, there wouldn't be a controversy, would there?  Why else would we willingly (though with loud complaining!) support a business that seems to gradually be sliding down a slippery ethical slope?  So

yes, there is plenty to appreciate about facebook.  In fact, I know there have been times God has used it in my life--when friends have encouraged me, when I have been able to encourage others, through prayer groups, and supporting missionaries.  It keeps me connected to family members I don't see often, and friends around the world.  I love being able to keep in touch with my former students in Yap.  I miss them and pray for them, and love seeing photos and updates posted so I know how they are doing.  There are plenty of good things.  But is it good for me?  That has been the question I've been asking myself lately.  If I was not on facebook, would I be more motivated to connect in-person with people in my present life?  What if I gave more attention to the few people around me in my present life than spending so much time keeping up minimal, surface communication with an impossible amount of people who are not that involved in this current season of life?  This does not mean I don't care about them or what is going on in their lives, it just means--I'm a limited human being, and I need to focus my emotional energy or else I won't have as much to give to those who should be prioritized to receive it first.

Dramatic?  Maybe.  Fanatical?  Perhaps.  Everyone has to make their own call on stuff like this.  But here's the other side.  This morning, I was planning to deactivate my facebook account forever.  But I read something that was given to me about missional church planting, and it reminded me of something Jesus said--that we need to be "in the world, but not of it."  If I leave facebook behind forever, I will probably be missing a pretty big piece of relating to a culture Jesus wants me to reach.  So the question is: is it possible for a facebook addict to become a facebook missionary?  That's what I'm going to pray about as I take my break for the next month.  But my guess is, yes, because Jesus is the expert at transforming weaknesses into strengths through His grace.

I guess that's about all I have to say.  It's ok if you disagree or don't get it, but maybe it gives you something else to think about.  The main point with social media is, don't stop thinking.  Don't take it for granted.  Remember the real world, and emphasize it every chance you get.  Be aware of who has your greatest attention--Jesus, or something else; the people around you, or the device in your hand. And NEVER take for granted your power of choice.