Advice for the Advice-Givers

Believe it or not, Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays, even though no one (besides my dad or brother maybe) has ever given me flowers on that day.  There are actually plenty of reasons to enjoy February 14, even as a relationship-challenged person, and despite all the commercialism.  Lots of chocolate everywhere is one good reason.  Another is that it's a great opportunity to encourage others and remind them of God's love.  Most years I've done this with good, old-fashioned paper hearts with a Bible verse and short note.  And sometimes brownies or candy, if I'm overly ambitious.

Even so, it is probably accurate that some have re-named the holiday "Single Awareness Day."  Yes, the acronym is "SAD."  (Haha...I actually just noticed that.)  Anyway, I've noticed that I've gotten pretty comfortable with being single, most of the time.  I can go out to eat by myself, solo road-trip, and even buy my own car!  (Though that last one nearly sealed the deal for online dating--ha!)  It's not that I like it or want to be here forever, but it's not so awkward any more.  However, I've noticed that my singleness is somehow awkward for other people.  At least, I'm guessing that is why they feel the need to help me "fix it." I may be ok with my single life, but it's still a rather personal subject, and even sensitive at times.  So I can't say that I usually love these conversations, especially when it's coming from people I've known for about five minutes.  Thankfully, I have learned to cope.  Once the conversation starts heading into advice and/or matchmaking, I confess that I often tune them out and begin praying in my head.  But if I could tell these well-intentioned advice-givers what I really think, it would be something like this:

Please stop.  I'm not in high school or even college any more.  I'm not socially inept or rude or unfriendly (at least most of the time).  What I don't need is advice on how to act around guys, or pointing out what you think I am doing wrong.  What I do need is encouragement.  Encouragement to trust God with my future and future husband.  To live without a care in the world because I am resting in His deep love and care for me, and for every aspect of my life.  Every aspect.  

Point me back to Jesus.  Send me back to my knees--not in condemnation that I must not have prayed enough--but with a vision of the unimaginable ways God wants to answer my prayers.  Remind me that He sees, He cares, and He is the One who helps me carry the burden of loneliness and feeling misunderstood.  Pray for me and with me.  Don't pray safe prayers--be bold.  Be an example of faith I can hold on to when my faith is weak.  But remind me to ask for more of Jesus and more of His will, and not just for what I think I want.

Give me Scripture that strengthens my faith and hope in Jesus.  Notice and affirm what God has been and is doing in and through my life as a single person.  Encourage me not to stray from the path God has called me to walk--the passion and calling He has put in my heart.  Yes, remind me that I can trust God enough to bring someone into this path that can walk it with me, rather than leaving this path to go look for someone, hoping I might find my way back.

Maybe this all seems too narrow-minded, or like my head is in the clouds and I'm not facing the rubber-meets-the-road reality.  But I honestly can't think of anything more real than following Jesus--saying yes to Him in each minute, each decision, each desire.  I know it probably frustrates you that I don't look like I have a plan of action; that I'm missing my checklist of eligible guys or proper behavior to attract one.  It's ok.  Sometimes I think I'm crazy too.  But in reality, I do have a plan: loving and following Jesus with all my heart.  That's all I've got, but I think it's all I need.  And even if it doesn't "fix" my singleness--it's still worth it.  Because I will still have Jesus in the end.

Maybe one day I'll actually be able to say that. But for now, I'll smile and nod.  And pray. :)

"They replied, 'What does God want us to do?'  

Jesus told them, 'This is what God wants you to do:  Believe in the one he has sent.'"  John 6:29 (NLT)