A Non-Empathic Approach to Marital Dissatisfaction

I just finished a movie for a class project called "Why Did I Get Married." (Yeah, grad school is awesome like that...we watch movies for homework.) It was under the "Comedy" section, but I couldn't find much that was funny. "Drama" would have been more accurate, because there was a whole lot of that.

In fact, it seems like many marriages have a lot more drama than comedy. Maybe that's part of the problem. I am obviously not speaking from direct experience here, but working with one of my clients has made me ponder such things. Sometimes I get so frustrated. I wish I could just tell her, "Just grow up and say something nice! How hard is that?!" It seems so simple, but after years in a marriage of repeating patterns that break down trust, it only takes a look or a word to break a heart and build thicker, icier walls. "Just saying something nice" can be harder than crossing the Atlantic in a dingy when there is an ocean of hurt between two people. At least that's how I'm guessing it feels.

It's good for me to think about the hard stuff in marriage. Sometimes as a single person, I find that I do not have much natural empathy for struggling married people. Oh, on one level I do, because I hate seeing people hurt. But part of me thinks they are taking for granted an incredible gift--a relationship that could be such a joy if they would recognize it instead of treating each other like trash. And this is probably why I should not be a marriage counselor at least until I am married (and maybe not even then), no matter what kind of training I get. But seeing the tough side does inspire me to wait patiently, however long I need to, for the incredible gift God has for me. I think He's already helping me not take him for granted, whenever he decides to show up. Here's to more comedy and less drama!